Beauty and perception

I think beauty is a very important thing in Hollywood etc. I think it's wrong. Magazines etc give out the wrong message that you have to be beautiful in order to succeed, which is wrong. If you have the right skills for a certain job then that should be more important that having perfect hair, beautiful face and being 34-26-34. I personally have been put down because of the being so tall. When I was growing up I was a freak and I guess I still am. I was so much taller than everyone else in the class and remine to be so. I havent got the perfect figure and Ive felt pressure from my own family to get it. Ive found myself not eating for days because Ive felt that I need to starve myself to make everyone else happy. Its very hard to make yourself love yourself if you hear people putting you down all the time. There really needs something to be done about this, coz this is going to end up hurting a lot of people and their families. It shouldnt matter what the person is like on the outside it should matter what the person is like on the inside. After all isnt that what you fall in love with?

Sammie:

I havent got the perfect figure and Ive felt pressure from my own family to get it. Ive found myself not eating for days because Ive felt that I need to starve myself to make everyone else happy.

Oh honey this is awful. No one should be pushed like that. Eating is healthy and if I think that in a world that has food in abundance someone feels the pressure to starve to fit into a certain 'beauty pattern'! Honestly, a society that has such a bad influence on people is really sick! But you've said it yourself and you're absolutely right, this shouldn't be that way.
And your family has no right to act like that. I mean, if someone has to lose weight because of health problems and family and friends are offering their assistance that's understandable. But to force a girl to go on an unnecessary diet to achieve a utopian weight that is completely unnatural to her, makes me really angry!

"[quote="silverrain"]Have you ever noticed that the more closely you get to know someone the less his or her look counts.

But I mean, you can fall in love with someone you haven’t found hot at first sight, just because you’re comfortable being with this person, because someone’s brilliant and funny and you’re just having a good time with each other."

that is totally true.
we had a guy come into our class last year and at first sight i thought he was a complete minger, with acne, greasy hair, and a little on the plump side. we were friends but not close.

this year we are really close because he has an amazing personality and has complete confidence in himself and his looks. at the christmas party we danced together. half way through we went back to our common room and (although we were both drunk) i sat with my head on his shoulder and thought to myself "i really like you" and suddenly i don't even register his looks anymore (apart from his dreds)

so i totally agree that beauty stereotypes should be banned. (who came up with it in the first place?)

silverrain:

Sammie:

I havent got the perfect figure and Ive felt pressure from my own family to get it. Ive found myself not eating for days because Ive felt that I need to starve myself to make everyone else happy.

Oh honey this is awful. No one should be pushed like that. Eating is healthy and if I think that in a world that has food in abundance someone feels the pressure to starve to fit into a certain 'beauty pattern'! Honestly, a society that has such a bad influence on people is really sick! But you've said it yourself and you're absolutely right, this shouldn't be that way.
And your family has no right to act like that. I mean, if someone has to lose weight because of health problems and family and friends are offering their assistance that's understandable. But to force a girl to go on an unnecessary diet to achieve a utopian weight that is completely unnatural to her, makes me really angry!

I know. Thats why when I look inside a magazine and see a model who is beautiful and has a great figure I feel really bad.. I hate looking in the mirror coz I never like what I see back. But I really think something should be done about it. I have my seven year old niece thinking shes fat and needs to diet! I really hate to think what the world is going to be like if the beauty perception continues to continue the way it is.

Sammie:

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I know. Thats why when I look inside a magazine and see a model who is beautiful and has a great figure I feel really bad.. I hate looking in the mirror coz I never like what I see back.

I wonder why do you hate yourself when you look in the mirror? We all have bad days for sure, but is there really nothing that you like about yourself? I know it's hard to develop self-confidence if your environment only pulls you down and gives you a bad feeling about yourself. But have you never thought fuck those models and 'perfect on the surface' ones or those unrealistic media-shaped expectations people have, because I'm more worth than that...I can see beyond their narrow horizons....I like my eyes… and when I smile… and the ideas that are going on in my head...
I mean, what if you had a polished surface outside but otherwise you would be a complete idiot? Okay in this case you would probably not realize how shallow you are.

I’ve been really similar to you. I was not concerned with my weight, but rather with my whole personality, that people could think I’m a freak and hate me for what I am, because I felt so different and distant from all others. It has made me a really shy and for a certain time unsocial person. But it has become better since I’ve started to realize that there is no reason for being so insecure, that I like me the way I am and that I actually don’t want to change with any other person, that perfection is not real and that there will always be people who you can make friends with and others with whom you never will.

Like someone already said if you're a confident person who appreciates herself, people will find you beautiful and nice company.

And you have always to be conscious that those beautiful ones in the magazines are not real. Those are pictures and you know computers are brilliant tools…

*hugs*

Thank you for the words. There are some days when I'm full of confidence and I can walk down the street and think good about myself (without being full of myself) and then there are days when I dont like what I see. I find myself not having a social life.. especially at the moment... Im missing out of a lot of things because I dont feel happy with the way i look. I guess that sounds a little vein right?

Saying that, there are people who have said I should model. But would I be happy with myself if I did that? Probably not.

Too much importance is being put on to how people look. But it doesnt define who you are. You could be the hottest person in the world and yet have a really crappy personality, or the other way around. I talk to a few people on the internet who say that I have a really nice personality and that I am a lot of fun etc. There was this one guy who I liked for ages (this was a few years ago now) and I thought he was like amazing. He hated me and he never even knew me. He hated me on the fact that I wasn't a size 10. Things shouldnt be like that, it should be about the personality not the looks. Looks are important too, I mean you have to be physically attracted to that person. But you dont fall in love with them just for their looks right?

Sammie:

I find myself not having a social life.. especially at the moment... Im missing out of a lot of things because I dont feel happy with the way i look. I guess that sounds a little vein right?

We're all a little vain, I guess. We're visual beings.
Sometimes, I'm spending whole afternoons cutting my hair because it freaks me out. People said it did look nice, but my hairdresser is more critical about that... So we all have our little quirks
But are you sure that your lacking social life has really something to do with the way you look? There must be more behind... Others react to you according to how you present yourself. If you're totally negative about yourself and thinking everyone must hate me, I'm such a terrible person, this could easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy, don't you think so?

Sammie:

There was this one guy who I liked for ages (this was a few years ago now) and I thought he was like amazing. He hated me and he never even knew me. He hated me on the fact that I wasn't a size 10.

Honestly, this guy isn’t worth thinking about any more minute (okay this is easily said, but it’s true)! You deserve something better!

Sammie:

Looks are important too, I mean you have to be physically attracted to that person. But you dont fall in love with them just for their looks right?

Yes I agree it’s easy to become physically attracted to someone and to mistake it for loving that person.
But love goes deeper, I guess.
So I can relate to what yoey962 said:

yoey962:

we had a guy come into our class last year and at first sight i thought he was a complete minger, with acne, greasy hair, and a little on the plump side. we were friends but not close.

this year we are really close because he has an amazing personality and has complete confidence in himself and his looks. at the christmas party we danced together. half way through we went back to our common room and (although we were both drunk) i sat with my head on his shoulder and thought to myself "i really like you" and suddenly i don't even register his looks anymore (apart from his dreds)

Silverrain(sorry I dont know your real name), Everything you said is true. I guess there is more behind me not having a social life, I mean I always make sure that I am presentable even if I dont feel I look nice.
I got over that guy a long time ago. He wasnt worth it I know, but at the time you dont believe what your friends tell you because you want to believe that he is a nice person.

Sammie:

Silverrain(sorry I dont know your real name), Everything you said is true. I guess there is more behind me not having a social life, I mean I always make sure that I am presentable even if I dont feel I look nice.
I got over that guy a long time ago. He wasnt worth it I know, but at the time you dont believe what your friends tell you because you want to believe that he is a nice person.

My name is Stefanie, so call me Stef if you like
I'm glad that I could help a little bit, I'm just telling from my own experiences.

I know what you went through with this guy. I've felt similar once, thinking that he's the only one for now and forever and that there would be nobody else for me in the whole wide world. But it's great if you finally wake up wondering what has been so special about this one boy that he could make you feel so sick...

silverrain:

Sammie:

Silverrain(sorry I dont know your real name), Everything you said is true. I guess there is more behind me not having a social life, I mean I always make sure that I am presentable even if I dont feel I look nice.
I got over that guy a long time ago. He wasnt worth it I know, but at the time you dont believe what your friends tell you because you want to believe that he is a nice person.

My name is Stefanie, so call me Stef if you like
I'm glad that I could help a little bit, I'm just telling from my own experiences.

I know what you went through with this guy. I've felt similar once, thinking that he's the only one for now and forever and that there would be nobody else for me in the whole wide world. But it's great if you finally wake up wondering what has been so special about this one boy that he could make you feel so sick...

Me too.. I saw him today which was weird.. Im definitely going to start to try and think better about myself. And not think too much about the skinny ass models in the magazines that are made perfect by computers!

Sammie:

Im definitely going to start to try and think better about myself. And not think too much about the skinny ass models in the magazines that are made perfect by computers!

That's good to hear, Sammie

Well, to one person you could be the most beautiful girl in the entire world, and to one person you could be really ugly. It's like a personal thing.
Some of my friends are the gorgeous, amazing, popular girls who everyone likes.
Then the rest of my friends are considered "ugly", "weird-looking" and "freaky".
But sometimes when I look at the "beautiful" girls when they're bitching about some-one or yelling at some-one, they suddenly don't seem so beautiful anymore.
And when I look at my "ugly" friends when they're just talking or smiling or laughing, they're so beautiful.
It's a mixture of the outside and the inside.
Beautiful outside can sometimes be paired with horrible inside.
Vice versa.
Occasionally you get the person who's beautiful in and out.
And vice versa.
If being beautiful means you get all the attention just because of that, you can keep it.

And when I first met my boyfriend I totally wasn't attracted to him.
I just talked to him, and after a while I realized what an awesome guy he is.
And now I think he is so gorgeous=]

I think woman make up for looking good and getting some respect from other womans...MAn don't care how you do look if he really loves you.

I think to be beautiful on the outside, you need to first be beautiful on the inside. I believe that once you are comfortable and confident with yourself and just finding a general understanding of who you and where you fit in, it's then that it shows through.

bexxy:

I think to be beautiful on the outside, you need to first be beautiful on the inside. I believe that once you are comfortable and confident with yourself and just finding a general understanding of who you and where you fit in, it's then that it shows through.

well firstly im not beutiful on the outside,
im ugly.
and im certainly not on the inside cos its just like blood and organs n stuff in there.
i think it doesent matter if people are beuty or not.
lots of ugly people rock

It'd be nice if it was the inside that counts and it's unfortunate it's not but there's not much that can be done about it as it seems to be human nature.

^Yeah, it is rather unfortunate. Pathetic, too. Magazines make beauty sound like you HAVE to be this skinny or you HAVE to look or dress this way. It makes people feel like shit. That is not real beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Inside matters most because you may be the most gorgeous man or woman in the world but the most evil. And that makes you hideous.

Be yourself and dress and look the way you feel fits you. Don't try to exaggerate features to get attention. It's not good.

I think beauty is an illusion.
Beauty means so many different things to so many different people its impossible to generalize and say what is "Beautiful".

People sometimes say 'oh there are many different meanings for beautiful' but i dont agree.

If you wore a dress and someone said it was beautiful then that is exactly like them saying you ARE beautiful.

you can say oh the sunset is beautiful blahblah....

what im trying to say is you can use only one special word to describe so many special things.