Pre-Marital Sex

PlushToy:

When discussing pre-marital sex, it is also important to note that not eveyone is going to, or wants to, get married. Does that mean they shouldn't have sex? Of course not.

There are plenty of people who oppose the institution and idea of marriage who are perfectly capable of being in love, and being in a long term relationship.

Marriage isn't the goal for everyone. Marriage also doesn't ensure you're going to be with the person for the rest of your life - hence the high divorce rates.

Sex is a natural and biological, and just because you haven't signed a contract (i.e gotten married) it doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex or procreate. So what if a child is born out of wedlock? It doesn't, or shouldn't, impact on how it is raised etc.

That's my view on it also. ^

I do understand, however, certain religious views regarding sex. It reminds me of the laws regarding Kosher -- they were needed at the time but the world as it is today no longer requires those rules.

Kosher laws were meant to protect health. Certain animals were considered "unclean" because there was no way to safely process them for human consumption and could cause disease. With today's meat-processing, all animals are able to be butchered and prepared with a minimum of health risk. Of course, there's still possibility of contamination but on the whole, all meats are safe to eat. Therefore, Kosher laws no longer apply. They are still observed by many people, and that's okay, but the reasoning behind the laws are now antiquated.

On that note: in Biblical times, women were used as chattel. A woman's virginity was prized and if she had engaged in sexual activity she was no longer useful as a trade good. Today women are (pretty much) equal in society and has the choice to save herself or not. Since she is no longer property, she can do as she wishes. Therefore, the laws that govern pre-martial sex are truly observed out of ritual, not out of any true need.

If a woman chooses to save herself for marriage, if marriage is what she wants, then that is something to celebrate and be proud of. But it is not the necessity that it once was.

Nothing wrong with premarital sex! me and my boyfriend do it all of the time! and hes catholic! and its against his beliefs but he still did! im not sure why!

Heh, y'see it happening all the time and I suppose there's nothing wrong with it...Some people just can't wait I guess... But it's far from a bad thing...I guess it all comes down to how people feel for each other and if they believe they're ready or not.

I really don't see anything wrong with it, as long as protection is used and no babies are made. And it shouldn't just be done on a whim, that's why 'adults' are against it, they don't think we have enough responsibilty to make that choice.

But waiting until marriage? That's like buying a $70 pair of jeans without trying them on...

Wait, did you just equate marriage to somethng with a monetary value of $70? I would aim a bit higher. Maybe it would be said better like "buying a Lambourgini without test driving it first." BTW, I have jeans that cost more than $70 and no, I didn't try them on.

What.The.Frank.:

I really don't see anything wrong with it, as long as protection is used and no babies are made.

What's wrong with having a baby if you're not married?

Sure, I'm not saying people should be having babies after being together a month or two.
Maybe even a year.

But there are people in long-term, loving and commited relationships, who are mentally, emotionally and financially prepared for a baby.
Just because they're not married doesn't mean they shouldn't have kids.

F i a:

But there are people in long-term, loving and commited relationships, who are mentally, emotionally and financially prepared for a baby.
Just because they're not married doesn't mean they shouldn't have kids.

And not every married couple needs to have kids. I see tons of kids whose parents are married and they probably shouldn't have had kids because they weren't ready. I've been married for almost 9 years and I'm not ready. There's no way I could do everything that I do if I had a kid, and I'm not ready to give any of it up, so I don't have kids. Easy peasy.

Personally I don't care if a child is born to a married or unmarried couple. I would rather see it born into a relationship where they are wanted and the parents are ready. Too many people put their jobs and their own lives above their child's, and that's not how it should be.

Beeblebrox:

Wait, did you just equate marriage to somethng with a monetary value of $70? I would aim a bit higher. Maybe it would be said better like "buying a Lambourgini without test driving it first." BTW, I have jeans that cost more than $70 and no, I didn't try them on.

Marriage should be based on more if the person performs well or not. And of both people are virgins then there is no pressure to perform well because both are new to the experience.

Now, I'm not gonna be a hypocrite and say that anyone who has pre-marital sex is bad, because I have had sex, and I'm not married. But after the experience I had because of the sex I have sworn off it completely until I'm married. Its all a personal choice that everyone can make for themselves.

psychochip:

F i a:

But there are people in long-term, loving and commited relationships, who are mentally, emotionally and financially prepared for a baby.
Just because they're not married doesn't mean they shouldn't have kids.

And not every married couple needs to have kids.

I agree with that too, sorry, I forgot to mention it in my little rant.

NotOkay22:

Beeblebrox:

Wait, did you just equate marriage to somethng with a monetary value of $70? I would aim a bit higher. Maybe it would be said better like "buying a Lambourgini without test driving it first." BTW, I have jeans that cost more than $70 and no, I didn't try them on.

Marriage should be based more on if the person performs well or not.

You think that's ALL marriage is based on?!

F i a:

NotOkay22:

Beeblebrox:

Wait, did you just equate marriage to somethng with a monetary value of $70? I would aim a bit higher. Maybe it would be said better like "buying a Lambourgini without test driving it first." BTW, I have jeans that cost more than $70 and no, I didn't try them on.

Marriage should be based more on if the person performs well or not.

You think that's ALL marriage is based on?!

It was a typo. I meant ON MORE. It should be based ON MORE then just if the person performs well or not.

It's not the performance, but the actual QUALITY of intimacy. Numerous studies have shown that satisfying, healthy sex is KEY to a happy marriage. Men equate sex with happiness, they view it as an outward display of affection. When a couple can't have fullfilling sex with one another, it transfers over into a general feeling of detachment in the relationship which can also lead to cheating (because one or the other need sexual fullfillment).

Really, really good sex is based on good communication, being able to express to your partner what feels good, what works, what turns you on, etc. Good communication (whether fostered in bed or out of), is crucial to staying happily married.

Beeblebrox:

It's not the performance, but the actual QUALITY of intimacy. Numerous studies have shown that satisfying, healthy sex is KEY to a happy marriage. Men equate sex with happiness, they view it as an outward display of affection. When a couple can't have fullfilling sex with one another, it transfers over into a general feeling of detachment in the relationship which can also lead to cheating (because one or the other need sexual fullfillment).

Really, really good sex is based on good communication, being able to express to your partner what feels good, what works, what turns you on, etc. Good communication (whether fostered in bed or out of), is crucial to staying happily married.

Of course. What Im saying is that you dont need to "test drive" your mate before marriage.

NotOkay22:

Of course. What Im saying is that you dont need to "test drive" your mate before marriage.

I actually think it's important that you do need to "test drive" your partner before you decide to marry them. Mainly because what if you are both completely incompatible in the bedroom? I mean, sure, sex isn't, and shouldn't, be everything in the marriage, but it is a big part of it, as Beeblebrox mentioned.

I mean, theoretically you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. If they turn out to be an extremely selfish lover, for example, then unless you are willing to change that person [and it would be difficult], chances are you're going to have a hard time in the marriage. Why? Because you're not sexually compatible.

If people want to remain virgins until marriage, then so be it. But for me, I'll be "test driving" pretty much each and every partner I have before I even consider marriage with one of them.

PlushToy:

NotOkay22:

Of course. What Im saying is that you dont need to "test drive" your mate before marriage.

I actually think it's important that you do need to "test drive" your partner before you decide to marry them. Mainly because what if you are both completely incompatible in the bedroom? I mean, sure, sex isn't, and shouldn't, be everything in the marriage, but it is a big part of it, as Beeblebrox mentioned.

I mean, theoretically you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. If they turn out to be an extremely selfish lover, for example, then unless you are willing to change that person [and it would be difficult], chances are you're going to have a hard time in the marriage. Why? Because you're not sexually compatible.

If people want to remain virgins until marriage, then so be it. But for me, I'll be "test driving" pretty much each and every partner I have before I even consider marriage with one of them.

I never said that you couldn't or shouldn't "test drive" your partner, what I am saying is that it isn't needed to have a healthy marriage. Now lets be honest, some people were not meant to have sex, there are just some people out there who absolutely suck at it and find no pleasure in it and give no pleasure. Now there aren't a lot of those people out there, but there are some, and you don't have to actually sleep with them to find out who these people are. A lot of a someones personality comes through when in bed. So if you and someone else are extremely compatible, and in love, (virginity doesnt matter as much except when it comes to experience and "moves" ), then there is a pretty decent chance that you are gonna have some good sex.

PlushToy:

I wasn't solely talking about people who are crap in bed. You can put two people together that are amazing in bed, and there is still a chance they won't be compatible sexually.

But lets be honest, how many times have you known that to happen? Thats not a common situation at all.