Pre-Marital Sex

I don't think you need to marry to be in a relationship that you want to be in for a very long time, and so I don't have a problem with it. Sometimes, youmcan;t afford a wedding, but you want sexs. I don't have a problem with it. I don't agree with one night stands, because they are hurtful, but if you are in a serious relationship, then I don't see why not.

sciencefreak897:

It's wrong in my mind! Did you know that over 80% of people who have sex before marriage break up?

And uh, I bet $20 that the book you took that little 'factoid' from didn't mention anything about the percentage of people who broke up even if they DID wait until their wedding night - in fact, did you know that 84% of people who were virgins until they got married ended up divorced, and 61% of THOSE divorcees went on to have more than 10 sexual partners?
Okay, I pulled that one out of my ass, but think about it. There's a reason that book didn't mention any studies on the percentages of virgins who went through relationship break-ups later in life - because the statistic is very likely to be similar to the one you mentioned, and therefore doesn't suit the book's propaganda on saving yourself.

Do you realise that any statistic can be twisted to suit an agenda? Please don't believe everything you read.

And tell your dad to stop being such an ass. Just because a guy doesn't wear eyeliner, doesn't mean he won't beat you, or cheat on you, or be a drunk or a problem gambler, etc etc etc.

ChipmunkOnKetamine:

I don't agree with one night stands, because they are hurtful...

How are one night stands hurtful? I know of plenty of people who have had one, or several, and it hasn't affected them at all. I know a lot of girls who go out on the prowl, just looking for a fling without attachment, as well as guys.
Nobody's being led on, both people just want the sex without the 'I'll call you,' or 'So when's the wedding?' bs, and nobody gets hurt. It's just sex, innit.

The thing is, pre-marital sex or no, marriage itself is bloody hard work, and there are a lot of factors to consider about a divorce. I'm 30 and have been married for 9 years (after 4 years of dating), and hubs and I are one of only two couples of our peer group (people we knew from high school, college, and are around our ages at our workplaces) who have been married this long without divorce. Some of our friends co-habited, as we did, others waited -- but all but us and one other couple sadly have ended in divorce.

While I personally believe that sex is something special to share with someone special, and I'm glad that I don't have a long history of sexual partners, other people see it as recreational due to the readily available birth and STD control, still others see it primarily for procreation. None of those beliefs is wrong, each person can give sex whatever value they want to give it.

Marriage is one person, day in, day out. You work to build your life with that person. You find joy in making that person happy. You make the relationship your own, set goals, set limits, and celebrate what you have in common while branching out and learning more about the world, yourself, and each other. Most people choose to have children and share in raising that child together. It's not like high school where you can have a spat over something and just break up because you entwine your lives so completely with the other. Divorce is never easy and I hope I never have to endure it; I'm lucky to be married to a man who shares my viewpoint and when we have troubles, we sit down and work them out rather than lose what we have over it. The point of all this is: we had sex before we were married, which means nothing 13 years later. It never even comes up. We've never had a single argument that stems from our choice to have sex before we were married.

A relationship is strengthened by a good sex life, to be sure, but it is in no way the one and only factor involved in divorce.

I think it's totally okay and as long as they're safe there really is nothing wrong with it.
2/3 marriages end in divorce anyway so it really makes no difference.

xx

I think its fine, as long as its not pressured and its safe
Marriage doesnt mean a relationship is brilliant, exclusive, or permanent. So it doesnt really make a difference in my opinion.

xx

psychochip:

While I personally believe that sex is something special to share with someone special...

I also believe that sex is a very special thing, not to be given away lightly. I've never been into the whole one-night-stand thing, or sleeping with somebody too early in a relationship (ie while dating casually, before a commitment to one another has been discussed), but I honestly don't care what other people do with their bodies. I didn't wait until marriage, but the people that I slept with before I met my husband were people that I was in a proper relationship with, people I trusted, people I cared very deeply about. Not just some guy who chatted me up the right way.
That being said, I have a few friends who are right into the casual sex thing, and while that's not a choice I would make for myself, it's their own decision whether they do that kind of thing or not.

psychochip:

Marriage is one person, day in, day out.

Tell me about it In a way, I kind of believe in sex before marriage (ie with somebody other than the person you will marry) because a lot of people, both men and women, who wait until their wedding night to lose their virginity end up feeling like they might have 'missed out' on something by not, shall we say, sampling a few different entrees before settling on a main meal. I know of a couple where one of the partners had had several sexual partners before they got together, and the other had in fact lost their virginity to that partner. With a little time, the person who had no previous sexual partners got restless and cheated a couple of times because they felt like they'd 'missed out' and needed to see what else was out there.
Luckily the other partner was very forgiving and overlooked their partner's indiscretion, and it's never happened again, so far as I know (and I probably would, seeing as these people are very close friends of mine and the woman concerned is very open with me).
I know that's not the case in every relationship, but I know if I had waited, I would probably regret it because at least now I know that sex is pretty much the same deal, no matter who it's with, and now I'm happy to just have sex with my husband for the rest of my life because I've had a couple of other partners and I know what I'm 'missing out on'. Which is nothing, but if you don't know that for sure, there's a chance you'll always wonder.

^ But why would any partner, whether committed to you by marriage or simply by word and deed, leave you over a pregnancy? Seriously? Out of all my friends, I am the only one who is actually married. But almost ALL of us have kids, and none of their boyfriends left them because they got pregnant - if anything, they were psyched and are all (okay, almost all) great dads.

The whole 'leaving over a pregnancy' thing pretty much becomes void once you turn 20, unless you're dating a complete moron, in which case you probably shouldn't be having sex with him anyway. If you're in a serious relationship with somebody, and you find out you're expecting, chances are they'll be hell excited too.

where's fluffy?:

due to my own religious beliefs, i see pre-marital sex as wrong.
you won't get me in bed until there's a ring on my finger.
... but i won't get all up in someone's business because they disagree with me.
it's your body, your life. do what you wish.
but personally? i think waiting is the right choice.

My opinion exactly. And all that talk about divorce...many people get divorced, whether you slept with them before marriage or not. People don't divorce each other because they didn't wait to have sex.

Gah!
So many people talking about no sex before marriage as if a ring and a promise will make sex the best thing ever and nothing will ever feel wrong.
Wait with sex until it feels right, a marriage is not a guarantee what so ever so why hang it all on that?

A lot of people, proabably the majority of adults, have woken up the next morning thinking "now... why did I do that??" at some point. but well, its life, you live and learn. And casual sex will only take somthing away from "making love" if you let it.

i believe it just depends when the right person comes along, when you both feel comfortable with it, and when you trust that person and want to. thats what i believe in, i dont think there needs to be a particualr time or place or whatever. but hey people have different opinions. i have friends who are happy to do it before marraige, and some who say noo way and are waiting for the wedding not. i dont think either answer is wrong or right, it just depends on what you feel comfortable with.

it's upto you isnt it?

i mean, everyone can argue one hand and the other, but at the end of the day its YOUR opinion that will decide whether you'll engage in pre-marital sex or not.
and OUR opinions, as individuals, collect up to mean the group of people we are talking about when we use the word "teens" or "people".
so really.. i udnno i lost my thread. but my opinion is its upto you.

and yes i would.

I personally think it's smart to have sex before marriage - what if you commit yourself for life to a person you're not even sexually compatible with? Pre-marital sex doesn't have to mean 15 year old sex you know (although by 16 a staggering number of persons are no longer virgins, and it's been that way for at least 25 years now.)

I dont believe that its right to have sex before marriage. I dont really have a problem with other people doing it, like all my friends. I just dont think its right. I just dont wanna have sex with someone im probably not gonna marry. Yea, me and my bf might last forever and get married (hopefully), but if I had sex with him and we broke up, id feel really guilty.

Cigarettes And Suicide:

And tell your dad to stop being such an ass. Just because a guy doesn't wear eyeliner, doesn't mean he won't beat you, or cheat on you, or be a drunk or a problem gambler, etc etc etc.

Your right there, thats exactly what I was thinking! I actually read that line out to my sister who was in the room cos I was like whats up with your dad? lol!

anyway back to the point of this thread, that little statistic, even if it is true, doesn't prove anything. Because most people get divorced anyway and most people have sex before they get married so that was bound to be a large statistic.
I think people shouldn't be as casual about sex as they are, but as long as you know the person well and ideally you should be in love, there is nothing wrong with having sex. Oh and the age of consent of course.

Plus, imagine you really loved someone and everything was going great, no sex involved and then you got married and you slept with each other and something about their sexual habits really irritated you or whatever. It sounds superficial but little things can really get on your nerves in relationships and imagine finding it out after you've binded yourself to them legally!

Just so you know I am NOT against waiting, it's totally up to the person, I have a religious friend whos not sleeping with anyone till after she gets married and I really respect her. I don't like that my friends have slept with people, I think it's wrong because we shouldn't be doing it at our age (15) and I don't like the way they talk about stuff either =/

I think pre marital sex, is fine. Like I say in a lot of the discussions, that involve having rights, We have rights. lol. I think if your having pre marital sex just for sex, yeah thats wrong, but your right. If you know you love that person, it doesn't matter if you are married or not. These youngens just have to understand that there are consequences to their actions, if they are gonna have sex they need to be protected. I also think that it is better for people to have sex, if they know everything they need to know about it. But, this all depends on age too, because if your 13 or younger you may physically be ready for sex, but not mentally, after having sex it DOES effect you physiological.