My Chemical Suicide Story (How MCR Saved My Life)
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| -X-Alex-X-The-X-Ripper-X- Killjoy  Age: - Gender: - Posts: 73 | I was really in the pit of depression. I tried to commit suicide many times, and I really always failed. My friend was trying to help me, but it was really no use. I cut and the past was really eating away at me. My parents divorced when I was really little and when they would try to get it to work out, it would all just fall apart... They would argue and fight alot... I remember...just sitting on my bed, crying my eyes out, praying to god that everything would turn out ok. I had to stay with my grandmother a lot, becasue my dad would work usally every night, and her house was compleat hell. She was a foster mother. I don't know who was on crack to let her take the job, but she had it. All the kids were misrible... Every day just seemed like a dismil day with her... My dad slept a lot when he was home, so I mostly just played with myself when I was home... My mom yelled at me a lot... I always fought to keep my parents together... It was just hell And at school I was an outcast, and I didn't have any friend...well the friends I did have used me... My parents are married now though They got married in 04. But still, they exspect me to just drop everything I had to work hard to make peace with... I first discovered the music in Sept. of 05 and I fell in love with it. The music really helped me get through the day, but didn't really cure the sickness... It wasn't untill I watched LOTMS that I knew I was saved. When Gerard said "when it gets to be an escape ruite, that's when it's bad. When it's like 'oh, if things go wrong, i'll just do this and everything will be fine'." I was just shocked. I remember thinking "SHIT THAT'S ME!" But he never directly said it, but he taught me how to live life. How to hold your head up and just get through the bad times with a smile on your face. He's a great man who went through a lot of shit in his life, but still retained a good personality and a kind heart. Without him, I have no clue where I would be today... probally dead... And I really have to thank all of them Frank, Mikey, Bob, and Ray really did a lot too. They always cheer me up, and have worked hard to make the music that lured me in in the first place... I coule never thank any of them enough... |
| RioneZ Thinking Happy Thoughts  Age: - Gender: - Posts: 581 | Well, MCR is saving my life right now. Right now, I just don't feel like living. I've gone back to cutting even though I know it's bad and doesn't help me in any way. I always feel so different from other people because of the stuff that happened to me, but when I listen to MCR I feel different in a god way. Because I'm one of their fans, it's like I'm part of this giant thing that is changing the world and I'm helping. So very slowly I'm starting to stop being depressed. Hopefully listening to their music will help me more and more. I don't think I will ever truely get better until I tell all my friends what happened to me though... |
| monkeyinair Bleeding on the Floor Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 1928 | hey man. music has unlimited powers. well, i dont really wanna talk bout my own personal problems but yea.. MCR really sorta woke me up. it's okay. haha. i never been to any concerts (COME TO SINGAPORE LAH!) too. nor have i met anyone of them (COME TO SINGAPORE PLEASE!) but still MCR rocks my world! |
| ~*salene*~ Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 1220 | jewll4u: my older brother is with us now he 19 and my litttle brother is in calli with my grandpa. my mom amd dad are together now making our lives a living hell. there gone a lot though. i tryed doing suicide affter my mom and dad beat the shit outta me for cus i was late from school (they where drunk) but my brother found me in the bathroom. so since then i`v cut, only one two people know and that`s thomas (um guy who likes me)and Alex (realy realy close male freind). other then that no one knows. i still listin to mcr alot, that hasn`t changed. me and my brother are saving so we can leave and get a house some where with my little brother too. so untill then i keep a low profile just a two more years |
| Antichrist Superstar Bleeding on the Floor  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 1279 | my life is hell right now i cut so much i am seirouslu thinking i just want to end it |
| RioneZ Thinking Happy Thoughts Age: - Gender: - Posts: 581 | Fire_at_willX0: DON'T! okay, alot of times I feel like ending it too, but I get through it somehow. Like right now I just want to kill myself, and there's not reall anyone I can talk to. Still I don't, I'll cut myself, which is bad, and then listen to music. If you want to talk you can pm me, but please don't kill yourself. |
| stormy Demolition Lover  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 15911 | Fire_at_willX0: I'm there a lot to. You look around you and see all this shite and no way out and it's tough. But there are people, who are more than willing to listen and help you out. If you want to, just to vent, you can even put "Don't Read" on it if you want ats the subject and just PM me and scream your fecking head off about teh shite that's going on. I'm no trained councelor, but I've helped save my friends before, b/c I go there a lot. If you can, talk to a professional and go to a hospital, just for a few days, it'll help a bit. good luck |
| Fear and Regret Crash Queen  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 33926 | ^Oh stormy you're going through a lot I've been having suicidal thoughts They come and go But as long as I think of all the things that are important Like what MCR did then I'm back to being normal |
| stormy Demolition Lover Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 15911 | Advent*Kings: I go thro my share...sometimes it seems like way beyond one person's share. I never asked to be nearly psychotic, or to have anxiety and OCD, etc...but I do. Never asked to have nightmares that make it so I can't sleep and a brain I can't run away from that makes it hard to not hurt myself or at least not want to... It sucks. But there are times, when I'm sitting around, listening to music when I'm online and reading or talking to others and they're going thro hell and high waters, and they open up to me and I get to listen to them and try and help them from ending up in places I've been adn probably going to again, that just makes some of that hell really worth it. |
| Shorty; Salute You in Your Grave Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 3672 | To tell the truth, I really don't like what MCR did to me last year. In a way it almost made me lable myself. I got MORE depressed, because their lyrics made me THINK and try to relate. When I start thinking about how unfair life is that's when the problems start. They didn't save my life they..sorta..just changed me. Maybe this is just me, though.. this year I really don't know. I listen to Bob Dylan and then sometimes Fort Minor. I don't care anymore, I don't walk around like "Omg I hate preps cuz MCR got beat up by them in the INO video" like some people do. Most people on this board have gone "ugh i HATE those goddamn preps, they don't accept me and call me GOTH". Do you sense the irony in that at all? Yes, most people on this board would hate me. I wear FFTL shirts with Hollister jeans. I like vintage and I hate people who try to be trendy. MCR made me almost want to NOT fit in, now I don't care. I'm not trying to be Chrissy the My Chemical Romance fan. I just wanna be Chrissy. Yeah, call me a POSER because I can pull off pearls AND black nail polish. It does nothing to me now<3 |
| stormy Demolition Lover Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 15911 | shut up, Chrissy.: Thinking can bring change in a lot of ways. It hurts to think of some lyrics. One of my favourite songs to listen to is I Won't See You Tonight Part One by Avenged Sevenfold, the song, is basically a suicide note. But I luv it...it calms me down. Yeah, it makes me realize just how bad I hurt and stuff, but if I let it go to the next song, which is part two...I hear the other side of it, the people I'd leave behind and how they'd feel...it's amazing. I don't hate people who are 'preppy' until they give me a reason. I'm jealous of them, I couldn't afford hollister jeans to save my life and if I did get them, I'd probably be upset that I went n blew so much money on a pair of jeans. THere's nothing wrong with your own sense of style. Your own rules and categories. |
| Fear;; Motor Baby  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 827 | Let's see...how MCR has saved my life. Last year I was really suicidal. Cutting, Drinking Drugs, the whole she-bang. Then I saw MCR at warped, and I heard Gerard talking abotu how if we were or knew someone suicidal, we needed to talk to someone. Anyone. Life was not worth giving up on. Later that night I heard the speech over again, And was close to the stage, so I could see he meant it and the other band members were nodding their heads, agreeing with him. I started crying really hard. Then, two days later, I had thought about it again, and Helena came on right as I was about to. I've never tried it again. |
| RioneZ Thinking Happy Thoughts Age: - Gender: - Posts: 581 | shut up, Chrissy.: I hope you're not depressed now. Go you! Don't let people and their labels get you down! I also don't like people who are "OmG I hAtE pRePzZz!" It's retardedness. |
| normalcyisboring423 Killjoy Age: - Gender: - Posts: 7 | Xx_Covered_In_Blood_xX: LOTMS really did it for me too. knowing gerard went through it too. i remember the first time i watched it. i was alone in my room at 3 am. and then it got to the part where gerard said "suicide is not the answer, it hurts you" or something to that effect. and i just sat there and cried. bc i realized i was running myself into the ground with this depression. and i was going to end up at a morgue if i didnt try to fix it or help myself. so i then wrote the "Take No Shit Address". i wrote myself a promise, oath kind of thing. that i wouldnt let this get the best of me. and i was going to fight it and take control of my life and live it the way i want to. at the bottom of that page i wrote a quote about suicide from gerard. i read through it every time i feel depressed. |
| Vampire_Heart Killjoy  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 34 | I can't judge, so I won't. The fact that I was, at one point, one of those mindless preps fills me with shame. But now, I don't want to turn into a mindless fan either, because then, what was the point? But really, the point is not that. It is that my 'depression' was unfounded. There seemed to be no cause and I listened to MCR and I tried to relate. I would often sing their song, Cemetery Drive, while cutting. The Life on the Murder Scene came out and I heard what Gerard said and I was just like, "Holy shit, what am I doing? Those guys aren't in this for the fame, or the money and they're basically doing this just to save their own lives and ours and they felt what I'm feeling now." That's when, I think, I started going like, "Wait a minute," and I started changing. I began to care more for my grades but the road to recovery hadn't yet been walked upon. That's when I met Antwonette, a writer on Quizilla. I read her first story, The Innocent Can Never Last and then when that finished, I read her story All the Wounds That Are Ever Gonna Scar Me and by then we were corresponding somewhat regularly. That story finished recently and I was looking through the e-mails she had replied to and I stumbled upon one that I had written when I was feeling incredibly depressed and I read her reply and I saw the truth in her words and I think that I just recovered. I remember she wrote that I should hold my head high because I'm actually important, and that put a smile on my face and I held my head high and I thought, this person does care. She's never met me before but she cares. So, I guess my thanks should not only go out to one of the greatest bands in the world, but also to my favoritest Internet author, Antwonette. And if by some chance Antwonette is reading this, know that it's me, Jen, and I really appreciate everything you have done for me because you're the reason I'm living and breathing today. |
| Antichrist Superstar Bleeding on the Floor Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 1279 | the reason i have so much hate for "preps" ( or just normal highschool kids) is that they are heartless they dont care what suffering you are going through, if you are diffrent then them they are gonna cause you so much god damn pain i dont hate them becuase of the way they dress ( although the conformity is stupid), its the fact that they are heartless |
| stormy Demolition Lover Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 15911 | [Teal]: The preps I've found since high school (er, the ones I went with who I've seen since) have changed so much. In high school, I could talk to the preppier people, they accepted me a bit. We didn't hang out and we didn't call each other...but we were civil to each other. I'm lucky that way. A lot of the 'preps' at my high school felt bad for me when I was in the hospital and they found out (pysch ward actually) both times. They were proud of me for having the strength to go thro it and than talk about it in class (English, end of the year speech). Looking back, they had their moments I wanted to kill them, they weren't my friends. But now, some of them are pretty okay, some of them have changed over and like bands like AFI or My Chem ... They're people. No one is perfect |
| xFrankie_Is_My_Namex Bleeding on the Floor Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 1050 | hey girl who wrote this mess board. i can totally relate samething happened 2 me. i mean not the whole mom dying and stuff but i had other probs. and mcr SAVED MY LIFE!!!! I LOVE U MCR THANK U! THEY R THE REASON I AM BREATHING!!! |
| Megan Vegantoast Bleeding on the Floor  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 1173 | I can definately say MCR has saved my life, more than once. It all started back at the begining of 7th grade... (oh dear, Megan's gonna tell a story!) I had just moved into the hell-hole I now call home and everything seemed fine, but it wasn't. I had just started school and was trying my best to fit in, supressing all thoughts of vampires and anything else dark. I especially was trying to hide my obsession of death. I do admit, this was quite hard after a while. One day, when I was talking to Maddie, my real self got the best of me and I started talking about death. She looked at me as if I was speaking latin. "Okay, your a freak, fuck you!" were her exact words. I was so confused, WE WERE FRIENDS for cryin out loud! After all my so-called friends ditched me at the begining of the year, I started listening to the song Helena and its meaning immediatly clicked. The lyrics to me were just so beautiful and seemed to capture the memories of a loved one perfectly. I eventually ended up purchasing "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge". As the year edged on, I started becoming more aware of the fact that I was stressed out ALL the time. At home, school, even in bed. I couldn't get my mind off of how stressful the atmosphere was. My mom and Dad yelled at each other a lot too, and if I took one step outta line, I was yelled at. Eventually, all the stress and the strain of being on your toes all the time to defend yourself from getting in trouble took quite a toll on me. I started to take my dive into the deep end of depression. My NEW friends saw that I started to behave differently, and not just lsightly, I was constantly listening to MCR on my mp3 player whenever I could and I wasn't talking to them. They asked me what was wrong and I said that I thought I was depressed. You know what they did? Do you have any fuckin idea what they said to me when I told them I might be depressed? THEY LAUGHED! They laughed in my face and walked away. No offer for help or anything. I was basically abondoned. Even when they did that I continued to hang out with them. After Christmas I had actually started cutting, hitting, biting, stabbing, and burning myself. I dont know what it was, but for some reason that was my way of telling me that I wasn't dreaming. The stress kept crashing down on me and eventaully I felt like life its self wasn't worth it at all. I know this may sound weird, but the stress and awareness was actually KILLING me inside. It got to a point that I decided that suicide was my only way out. That night, I got a bottle of sleeping pills and some tylenol and decided to end it all, but before I decided I should listen to some music. As I got myself ready and set out the pills, I turned up the volume on my CD player. The headphones blasted "The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You". I sat on my bed, listening and somehow relating to the lyrics that were poetically written about suicide. As soon as I heard the bridge in the song, I realised that suicide was not the way out and that I couldn't just end it. As soon as I was done listening to the rest of the CD, I put away the pills and went to bed, only to realise in the morning that MCR had saved my life. However, this wasn't the only time they would save my life.... Towards the end of the year, I got a Boyfriend, lets call him Sam... Well, Sam was a really nice guy to begin with and I loved him to death, but my "friends" kept telling me he wasn't good for me. Well, I told them to fuck off and let me live my life. All the while, Sam was giving me flowers and everything that a "good boyfriend" would do... or so I thought.... One day, I went over to Sam's house, about a week after school was over. It was a particularly normal day, but I never expected what he would do to me. "Hey, wanna see the tent in my backyard?" He asked "Sure..." I said, not suspecting what would happen next. He pushed me into the tent and MOLESTED me. I never thought he would do that. I won't go into detail what he did to me, but I will say that I'll never forget what he did to me. Well, needless to say, I was glad my dad arrived after that, but he still doesn't know. I broke up with Sam after that and had a really tough week afterwards. I became depressed and suicidal all over again and was constantly having flashbacks to the time. I was seriously thinking about going back to cutting regardless of what MCR would think. Then one day, I listened to "Honey this mirror..." and found that I could really relate to it. Though the band has only helped me get through what happened a little, its definately helped. They are still helping me everyday, living life in a school, so far, without friends. Though I think I may find some friends sometime soon... |
| madame angst Salute You in Your Grave  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 4551 | Taking Back Christina.:I really liked what you said. It's so true. Anybryar, I don't think MCR has saved my life...but I think they've helped me go through some "tough" times. I may not have the "real" or the more "important" problems, but I've still had some that have hurt me in a way or another. I remember that sometimes I would have suicidal thoughts but then think, I can pull through this, I'll do it for MCR. I always thought that nobody would care if I just disappeared, it would be better off that way. But ever since I found INO, I feel much happier with myself. I don't care what people say about me, because I am who I am and I'm not going to change because of you. |
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