Cheating
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| hunteri heroici. Always Born a Crime  Age: 30 Gender: - Posts: 6926 | It's painful on both sides, trust me. Cheating is, indeed, bad. But it means that there is something wrong in the relationship. Having been on both sides, I can tell you that BOTH people in the relationship are to blame. |
| Mindfuck Always Born a Crime  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 5614 | an eye for an eye.:I disagree. The blame rests on the cheater's shoulders. If a cheating partner blames their SO for their cheating, I feel it's childish and immature and makes them seem like that can't own up to mistakes. If you cheat and your partner finds out, own up to it. Don't try and palm off half the blame to them. For example, if my boyfriend is dissatisfied with our sex life and he goes elsewhere for it behind my back, that doesn't mean we're both to blame for his cheating. It means that he can't behave like a mature adult and talk about our sex life frankly with me and raise any issues he may have. |
| thank fsm. In The Murder Scene  Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 20564 | No. My boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago and we are trying to work it out currently. Every help book and article we have read says that if you're ever to make peace, you must recognize that it is the fault of BOTH parties in the relationship. Cheating in a serious relationship only happens because there is something seriously wrong. 1. My fault for being the uber bitch, the controlling girlfriend who wanted him to be around all the time and who cried and generally acted nutty when things didn't go swimmingly 2. His fault for, rather than communicating about it, or ending it, going outside of the relationship as an "escape." If you spend your life blaming others you will not be able to change yourself or your situations for the better. |
| Mindfuck Always Born a Crime Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 5614 | merlin.:While I agree that, in some instances, cheaters are 'driven' to cheat, I still see it as responsible if the cheater is able to own up to a breach of trust. Being an uber bitch and driving your boyfriend to cheat is one thing, but if it was such a problem for him - why didn't he raise the issue with you? In my opinion, although you feel you are partly to blame, I can't help but think your boyfriend is more in the wrong and more deserving of blame than you are - he didn't have to cheat. The main problem I have with blaming the person who was cheated on is that the cheater didn't have to cheat - if they saw a problem in the relationship that the other person presumably didn't see, isn't it much more responsible to discuss it with, instead of going behind their back? There are many different scenarios that can play out when it comes to cheating, and it's my opinion that in some of them the cheater should be to blame - like if they have a good partner who they once loved, but then fell out of love, met somebody else, fell in love - or lust - and had an affair. And pointing out that a cheater should take the blame isn't "blaming others for the rest of your life". If I do something wrong, I own up to it. I think it's childish to blame others for absolutely no reason to just save face. Cheating is one of those things that can be prevented. I guess I feel this way because I was cheated on, unjustifiably (I feel). I wasn't a bad girlfriend - I did a lot for him, I even gave him money because he didn't have a job, we had an active sex life (well, up until he started cheating on me - that was one of the signs something was wrong). I literally don't - and still don't - know how I drove him to cheat. I feel that some people just like to have their cake and eat it too. |
| thank fsm. In The Murder Scene Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 20564 | You're completely right - the blame on his side is that he didn't go to me about it, like I said. But it would be unrealistic for me to continue as I was before I found out, with him having explained what drove a person who swore to the world they'd never hurt anyone like that to do it anyway. As always, there are exceptions - but I edited in that I am referring to long-term, serious relationships, ones with trust and love. There is a reason that someone would demolish it like that. it's a pain unlike anything I've ever known, but I can only control my own part of it, and ask for him to do his part. |
| FindingMyWayHome Killjoy  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 1 | Ok so I think people cheat to 1. make the other person in the relationship feel hurt in the way they may have felt at one time during the relationship. 2. they never really cared that much for the other person enough to restrain themselves to not cheat. and 3. they feel like they shouldn't be restrained to just one person, they feel like they have to have more than one person because they can get certain things out of each one |
| poetic tragedy. Awake and Unafraid  Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 14806 | merlin.: yes, maybe they cheat because of that. but one of my friends were cheating on her boyfriend and she said he has been an angel ever since they got together. so i believe that (SOME) people who cheat wants attention. because my friend who did this has always been very shy and anti social, not the loudest kid. so i believe that she just wanted the attention. that is my opinion. |
| hunteri heroici. Always Born a Crime Age: 30 Gender: - Posts: 6926 | Mindfuck: Cheating doesn't always occur when people aren't satisfied with their sex life . When a relationship is steady & serious, both people are certainly to blame . Except if the cheater's just likes cheating . If that bad habit isn't on the way, then the one who's been cheated on, certainly has some part of the blame . merlin.: ^ My point exactly . No offence meant, by the way . |
| hunteri heroici. Always Born a Crime Age: 30 Gender: - Posts: 6926 | FindingMyWayHome: Or in previous relationships . |
| Mindfuck Always Born a Crime Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 5614 | albtraum.:I never said it was. Hence "for example". It was one example. |
| make some noise; Jazz Hands  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 271 | I think that cheating is definitely a grey area. On one hand, it's hard to say that it's equally both peoples' faults, because the cheater DID cheat. On the other hand, however, what did the person cheated on do to 'cause' the other to cheat? In some cases, it IS entirely the cheater's fault. The other person did everything in his/her capabilities to keep the relationship 'good' and monogamous, but the cheater went out and cheated anyway. On the other hand, you have what merlin. is saying, that the person cheated on did something that 'drove' the other to cheat. All that said, though, how great of a relationship was it that they simply went somewhere and cheated on their SO instead of sitting down like mature adults and talking about the fact that there is a problem in the relationship, whether it be sex life, unemployment, attitude, lifestyle, whatever. So I guess my feelings on this are mixed, but I generally feel that at least MOST, if not ALL of the blame lies on the cheater's shoulders. |
| Kick Start My Heart Thinking Happy Thoughts  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 559 | My last boyfriend, I strongly believe he did cheat on me, he always said I had done nothing wrong and that he was to blame. However I still feel that huge surge of guilt and pain that most people who go through it do, you constantly think to yourself what do I do wrong? as much as you hate them for cheating you do still blame yourself for cheating. I have never cheated on a boyfriend but as my last relationship was bad I did consider cheating, People that are verbally abused (like I was) constantly in a relationship are driven to cheat by the abuser. That said it is also your choice and if you cheat you'll have to live with the consequences and quite honestly its deserved. Cheating is wrong and never justified, the pathetic "I was Drunk" story is no excuse! Its an awful feeling to feel as though you came second best to some stranger or in worse cases someone you know. |
| ShotgunSinner123 Killjoy  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 16 | I was cheated on by my long-term SO a few months back, and I think that who is to blame really depends on the situation. I gave nothing but complete and utter affection and love to my partner, and in return, I was cheated on anyway - so I think that in some situations, it can't really be helped - if the person is going to cheat, they are going to cheat, and that's that - they are to blame for it. I also realised there was something wrong, and immediately tried to fix it, but it still didn't help - so I just think that it depends on the situation. A couple can be to blame if neither of them are paying attention to the other, or just one person can be to blame if the cheating is inevitable anyway - whatever you do, it's still going to happen. I think for some people, it's just in their character, but for others, it's when they get bored? |
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